I was speaking with my mother recently and she is currently dealing with the after effects of a lack of oxygen to hear brain from an accident and possibly a stroke on top of that. She is struggling coming to grips with the damage to her brain. Most importantly her memory, comprehension and reasoning skills. Several blessings did come out of the previously mentioned accident as she was living unhealthy prior to the accident and on a short road to nowhere. Now, she is much healthier and happier. But, in every step forward we have two back and hers is dealing with the effects of the accident and the damage caused to her body and brain. In speaking with her I used an analogy that is not only self-applicable but more people should live by and I mean really comprehend and LIVE BY.
The Analogy: When I was 18 I was a skinny bitch (I did not use that word while speaking with my mother as she would have washed my mouth out with soap…..but here, in my blog world I can use that word if I want to so Hah! *childish, I know*). I was a size 2ish and given that I am a 12 now…..let’s just leave it at that. My words of wisdom to my mother go as so “when I look in the mirror every day I do no look and wish for that size 2 as that size 2 is not realistic anymore. I was a kid then (18), ate extremely bad (fast food everything) and had the metabolism of a cheetah or more realistically most young, skinny kids. I grew up and beyond (literally *L*) that person and she is in my past and it does me no good focusing, dwelling or trying to regain that person. I am not her anymore”. My mother is no longer the person B.A. (before the accident), that person is dead and gone and needs to be buried. It is futile to waste energy both physical and emotional trying to regain something that is not possible to have anymore. She cannot undamaged her brain as much as I can waive my magic wand and be a size 2 again. Now I’m not saying I couldn’t lose a few pounds and be something that could be considered more conventionally appealing…but my theory is WHY? I am perfectly happy with who I am. I am a healthy and happy person, so I do not fit the mold of what someone else thinks is awesome, good for them, doesn’t bother me. We cannot undo the past. The past is called a past for a reason. We live life in forward motion, we walk forward, drive forward, move forward. Do not spend needless energy beating yourself up over something that is no longer realist.
Work with what you have and God gave you. And in my mom’s or anyone else’s case, if you don’t have the tools, ask for them, ask for help but don’t spend your time focused on an unrealistic ‘you’. Bury the past and live in the current, the now. Take a deep breath when you get overwhelmed and if someone has an issue with that, tell them to go to hell. This is your life not there’s so live it. So many people waste so much time and energy trying to be something or someone who they are not and this is an unhappy path to walk down. Why needlessly subject yourself to your own useless cross of burden? Put your cross down and be happy with who you are. Nobody is perfect so stop trying to be something that none of us are. Smile and be happy.